My aesthetic evaluation of indoors versus outdoors
Presented aphoristically
This is my aesthetic evaluation of indoors versus outdoors presented in ten aphorisms.
ONE: Some people call it the ocean. I call it the fish toilet.
TWO: Many people say flat landscapes are ugly. The ocean is flat.
THREE: I would never pour sand directly on my crotch. I go to the beach for that.
FOUR: I don't think people really like camping. I think they like complaining about how bad camping was after they return.
FIVE: Well, if you're comparing it to being with people, then sure, camping is better.
SIX: Humans invented vacuum cleaners to suck up the outside that gets inside.
SEVEN: No one ever had to invent a specific tool to clean the indoors that gets outdoors.
EIGHT: The outdoors has more dirt and bugs than any vacuum cleaner could possibly clean. Inside is your fragile port in a filthy storm.
NINE: You call it agoraphobia. I call it ancestor appreciation. My ancestors suffered so I could watch TV in air conditioning.
TEN: I can see your outdoors from my indoors on my TV whenever I want, but if you can see my indoors on your TV, I'm calling the cops.
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Copyright © Perry Willis 2025
Perry Willis is the co-founder of Downsize DC and the Zero Aggression Project. He co-created, with Jim Babka, the Read the Bills Act, the One Subject at a Time Act, and the Write the Laws Act, all of which have been introduced in Congress. He is a past Executive Director of the national Libertarian Party and was the campaign manager for Harry Browne for President in 2000.